Chicken Soup for the Brides Soul: Stories of Love, Laughter and Commitment to Last a Lifetime
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Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away. Haven't seen one back since! He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart. All of His commands are user friendly. His directory guides me to the right choices for His name's sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life, I will fear no bugs, for He is my back-up. His password protects me.
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He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies. His help is only a keystroke away. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and my file will be merged with His and saved forever. Amen Index The wish A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it! I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!
Are you Christian or Jewish? Are you Catholic or Protestant? Are you Episcopalian or Baptist? Me too! Index The church gossip Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic, after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house Index The two Brothers There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and appeared to be perfect Christians. Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could the new pastor see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church membership grew in numbers.
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A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly. All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years! We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.
It's the same in my business. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it. Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do. Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs.
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Jones is wild about your sermons. Bad News: Mrs. Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking. Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage. Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: You were on vacation. Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war. Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
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Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit. Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.
Index The new Pastor The young man had just graduated from Bible College and was called to pastor a church close to his home town. The new Pastor was so nervous at his first service, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked his former Pastor how he could relax. The older minister said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put a little vodka in your water glass. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly. I will be visiting your church next week to see how things go for you.
He felt great! However, after the service, his former Pastor pulled him aside and offered this advice for him. Next time sip rather than gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10 4.